This Post Is Hugely Important (to me)

Don’t forget – Persephone’s Pen AND The Epicurean are available on the Kindle. It’s free for 14 days, then just 99 cents per month. I will be publishing my Dark Angels trilogy directly to Kindle as well, before I go to other devices and print. Here’s the link:

 

Persephone’s Pen  –  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00I1KUXNA

The Epicurean  –  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00I1KRPWM

Thanks for reading me and thank you for all of your support; if you have a Kindle, try a trial subscription – it’s free, what have you got to lose?

Worst. Day. Ever.

I am a recovering addict and alcoholic. I say that so you’ll understand why the rest of this story is pissing me off so badly. I was sober for 10 hard years, then I relapsed, and then I had a few years and relapsed again, and I couldn’t manage to get my shit together until last February 20. This month I will be clean and sober for one year.

I go to therapy twice a week, and one of the things they make you do is pee in a cup for drug tests. I never worry, because the only thing in my system is prescribed by my doctor and he works at the same clinic.

So imagine my surprise when my counselor called me into his office, shut the door, and told me that my urine had come back positive for fentanyl and methamphetamine.

Wait, what?

I’m also on Suboxone, and I don’t want a debate on replacement therapy. I’m just telling you this because Suboxone has an opiate blocker in it, so I could shoot 100 bags of fentanyl and heroin and do nothing but overdose and die. Why would I take an opiate when I’m on an opiate blocker and my levels for the blocker were consistent? Asshole.

As for methamphetamine, I don’t even know where to start finding meth on Long Island.

I’m really pissed, and hurt. My counselor just gave me one of those, “Tell the truth now” looks. I told him I want the urine retested and I took another test again.

Other people that go to my program have mentioned that their tox screens have come back positive when they haven’t done anything. I say they should start using another lab.

Okay, vent over.

Snow Day!

I woke up yesterday morning and saw the above from my bedroom window.  It was still snowing, and there was about 4 inches already on the ground. The snow was coming down heavily, and it was obvious that, aside from policemen, nurses, and other emergency personnel, nobody was going anywhere.

I was pissed off. I had the day off and now I couldn’t go anywhere. I wandered around the house in my pajamas, wanting to punch someone in the neck. I ate a bowl of Special K with frozen strawberries, and got annoyed that the strawberries were warm from the microwave, messing up my cold milk thing that I have with cereal (I should post that on The Epicurean, though).

Then I went to the mailbox and found a Netflix envelope, with “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” in it. I decided to watch it after lunch, and I spent two hours curled in a chair, with hot coffee, watching an amazing  movie, and watching the snow fall softly and steadily on the bushes outside my window.

And as Pollyannaish as this sounds, I felt serene and peaceful, after that two hour interval. I mean, how often do adults get an enforced snow day? A day when we can stay in our pajamas, watch nature do her work and create a spun sugar world outside your window and, just for a little while, you feel like a princess in a Disney movie, where the whole wide world is white and you’re waiting for your prince to ride up and give you the kiss of true love, and that will make spring come.

It makes me feel terrible that I can enjoy all this from my warm living room while there are people out there literally freezing to death. But I do what I can to help the homeless, and just because there is ugliness in the world, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take time to appreciate what’s beautiful.

This morning everything is frozen, like an ice palace, and it’s sparkling in the sunlight. Prince Charming will have a slippery ride, and perhaps he should drive a Range Rover instead of a horse. But nothing is closed, so I will put on my grown up clothes, deposit the movie in the mailbox, and get on with my day.

I will buy a coffee and a sandwich for the homeless man that lives behind my program, and I will once again tell him about better ways than the streets, and give him numbers of people that can help him, and I will offer him my phone, and he will not listen to me. But I’ll do it again every day. Maybe it will help, maybe not.

But I will still try to appreciate the beauty of the day around me, the sparkling ice-coated trees, and I’ll be laughing at myself and my friends as we slip-slide our way down the sidewalk to get lunch.

Everybody needs a chance to act like a kid. Snow does that. Maybe I’ll build a snowman when I get home.

Have a great day. And if you’re anywhere where there is snow, throw a snowball at someone! Be a kid again, just for a little while.

Why The Cheesy Fundraiser?

I normally don’t like to ask for money for nothing. It makes me super-uncomfortable to ask people to give me money, and the only thing I can offer them back is a cheesy badge on my blog pages.

But I really do need your help, and if you could spread the word that would be great.

Why should you give money to someone you don’t know?

I’m a writer, just like you. Since I’ve become unemployed, I’ve been making an attempt to write full time, and I’m connected with one private client and a website that offers gigs for $5 (so I write 500 words for $5, and if they want it longer they have to order extra gigs). But you guys all know that quality writing consumes an enormous amount of time, and at the rates I’m getting, I’m lucky if I’m making $5 an hour.  And that’s not a living wage.

I’m not shy – I get food stamps. But they don’t exactly give you all that much, and it’s pretty hard to get through the month on $175.

All this is not designed to make you feel sorry for me. It’s to let you know that, despite a lot of hard work, I could really use some extra help so that I can maybe turn down some of the more disgusting gigs I’ve been offered and spend more time on my novel and on Persephone’s Pen and The Epicurean. Not because I think you guys will die without my brilliant voice, but because I think I have something to say, and some of the time, a few of you agree with me. Sometimes I’m funny, and a few of you laugh with me. And sometimes I’m just real talk, and some of you nod your heads with me.

So I would appreciate it and give thanks if you or someone you know could donate whatever is feasible for you. .Even $5 helps. And you’ll get a cool badge on my blog with a link to your blog, which will remain on my page for whatever time period is specified on the fundraiser page.

Thank you for not thinking I’m a jerk for doing this. But I really do need the help. And if I can ever help any of you, please just say the word.

Click here to donate: http://igg.me/at/persephonespen/x/6242292